Aspects of Delayed Ejaculation

No matter how much your partner loves you, you cannot expect her to put up with your delayed ejaculation for ever.

No matter how painful it may be for you to have delayed ejaculation, there’s no doubt that it is, or can be, just as painful and frustrating for your partner to have to cope with the emotional and sexual consequences. One of the biggest problems of partners of men who have some kind of delayed ejaculation is that they just don’t know what to do about it, nor often how they can begin the process of communication about it.

1) You need to  conside shame and guilt around sex – serious problems that hamper the road to recovery when you have delayed ejaculation.

2) You need to have a partner who is ready and willing to help you overcome your delayed ejaculation. 

3) You need to be in a relationship that works and is likely to be strong enough to sustain you both through all the challenges that will come up as you work on the delayed ejaculation. 

4) Both of you must be willing to recognize the problem and work on it.

Delayed Ejaculation can be solved by the two of you

As a rule of thumb, the more conscious you are of the cause of the problem, the easier it will be to solve. Needless to say, resolving delayed ejaculation will take longer if you:

  • are extremely anxious 
  • are sexually inexperienced
  • are uncomfortable about masturbation
  • have other difficulties present, such as premature ejaculation 
  • have a history of long term delayed ejaculation 
  • really have a lack of desire for your sexual partner
  • have low sexual drive or libido
  • If you have deep seated emotional issues about love, sex and intimacy, then you may need to seek the help of a professional therapist first. Here are some parameters which you might wish to consider:
  • You are sexually inexperienced just because you “missed out”
  • The cause of your inexperience is rooted in problems stemming from childhood
  • You have sexual aversion to women

Condition 2 – Your partner is free of sexual problems

A woman who has sexual problems can be very unhelpful to a man who is trying to solve his delayed ejaculation. For example, if she has never had an orgasm, she may be displacing her anger and shame onto you and causing you to feel inadequate. She has to be fairly free of sexual guilt and such like issues before she is going to be able to effectively help you tackle your problems. 

A sexually inhibited or repressed woman who has problems with sex and intimacy  work through your problems with delayed ejaculation. She will not be relaxed or indeed interested in the process and will probably sabotage any progress you make to save herself the embarrassment and difficulty of dealing with her own ambivalent feelings about sex.

Furthermore, as a man with a woman who is not interested in sex, there is little incentive for you to solve your delayed ejaculation because she isn’t interested in intercourse.

We tend to think that the erect penis is a reliable and strong part of us…..until the first time it goes wrong, that is.

But the reality is that delayed ejaculation is one of the weakest links in our maleness and it is susceptible to all kinds of things: a woman saying the wrong things at the wrong moment, our belief that we should be able to have sex at the drop of a hat (even when we don’t want to!), our belief that the man gives during sex and the woman receives (even when we want something different)…..and so on.

But, having said that, some men are more susceptible to problems than others. Are you a worrier? Do small things trouble you? Do you brood on relationships, mull over what people have said and done to you? Or are you a happy-go-lucky kind of a guy, who doesn’t take anything too seriously and makes the best of everything?

Well, it won’t surprise you to learn that the first group of men are the ones who are more likely to experience delayed ejaculation. And if it’s the loss of your erection you’re worried about, you may find that both your anxiety about losing your erection and your erectile dysfunction itself rapidly get worse.

And what kinds of standards do you set yourself during sex? Do you like to do everything perfectly, to be in control, to lead from the front, as it were, while you partner remains more passive? Do you feel you bear the burden of giving her an orgasm, or making sure she gets her pleasure before you do?

This kind of perfectionism sets you up for failure. After all, one time when your penis lets you down is a major failure: you’ve let her down, you’ve let yourself down, and who knows if it will happen again? How can you (or your penis) ever be relied on again? You feel so bad about this that it can became a major issue in your relationship.

Then again, if you lack sexual experience, you may not have the confidence to know that actually, one episode of delayed ejaculation isn’t a disaster. But if you don’t know this, and you come to sex with your anxiety uppermost in your mind……well, you can see what may well happen. Expectations are often fulfilled for us…

But this can happen to us all, regardless of personality type, anxiety level or anything else. If you repeatedly experience delayed ejaculation, and you don’t know why it’s happening to you, it doesn’t really matter if you’re twenty one years old or fifty one, if you’ve had sex with one woman or hundreds of women: in all cases you can rapidly develop a full-blown case of self-doubt and anxiety. That’s performance anxiety, as in “Will I ever be able to come again?” And once you’ve failed to ejaculate, you’ll feel less of a man.